Some man walks into his home and is met by his wife at the door querying his late arrival home. Not just that, she goes on to insinuate he has been in on another woman among several. She goes on to lace him with enough verbal insolence. Not giving him a chance at explaining himself, she walks out on him into the bedroom not affording him any of the duties a wife supposedly owes a husband who’s come home after a hard day’s work. The man stands aghast, rooted at the doorstep. If you were this man what would you do?
Some guys would be quick to tell me that all such a woman needs at such a time was a clean slap across the face. Sequel to a thorough blow-intensive beating that for a long while would keep her on the apprehensive. Others would aver that a good cane or belt or some other instrument would do a good job. Still some would prefer to just walk back out of the house and stay away for at least a week before going the direction of that house again. Different men, different responses!
Without meaning to insult the sensibilities of women, it is trite to acknowledge the tricky nature of feminine emotions and how spontaneous its verbalization can be. Very little things set a woman’s emotions rolling. It may just be a careless take-it-for-granted response from you or a divided attention when she’s talking to you. It may be seeing a female name in your handset’s phonebook or hearing a female voice on your phone. Sometimes, it could be your delay or lack of response to her inquiries or just some minor disagreement over a non-life-or-death issue. Trivia, you would say and they naturally would not argue it. It is a trivia-sensitive emotion. Women take their feelings and its dictates very seriously. They can excuse you for every other fault but not for trampling on or ignoring their feelings.
This explains why a guy’s “no” to their advances can’t be excused. It also explains why seeing you or supposing you to be dabbling with some woman out there can be a very touchy issue. Coming late from work for inexplicable reasons, not answering their calls, neglecting little things like their birthdays, a planned date, or some special event in their lives could generate some serious turbulence. All said, how does one respond when a woman’s emotions go gaga?
Someone said sometime ago that “power flows from the barrel of a gun.” This may be true on the political and military turf but not in a relationship. For those who subscribe to male-chauvinism and male-dominance in a relationship, whatever should be done to assert one’s authority over a woman in a relationship whether marital, business or otherwise is excusable. But the question remains as to what can be regarded as real strength. Is it physical exertion of energy in beating up a spouse or the exhibition of restraint in reacting to the unpleasantness of a woman’s emotional outbursts. For this writer, the latter can better be regarded as strength, real strength. It is a sign of weakness when a man or anyone at all instead of exercising some measure of self-control and negotiating his or her way through a dicey situation, he or she prefers to bulldoze his or her way through the situation.
Without assuming the absence of some dissenting opinion to my point of view, I believe the rise in cases of domestic violence (gender-based violence, to be exact) targeted at women and children would be halted if not obliterated were the menfolk to show some degree of real and responsible and positive masculinity. Everywhere stories of wife-battering are rife. It is either you see a guy slapping his girlfriend or a supposed husband beating the daylights out of a woman he has promised to love and cherish. Many times this abnormal behaviour has resulted in physical injuries or even loss of life. Always it has caused or deepened existing emotional injuries. Some women have responded by being depressed or reclusive or totally withdrawn. It even gets to the extreme where the behaviour is generalized, terming all men to be beasts - all alike with different faces. I think this is unnecessary.
Women are verbally-oriented no doubt and sometimes this verbal-orientation could be unsettling and tasking of a man’s emotions. Sometime ago someone (not this writer) said women think in a linear mode. I’m still researching to ascertain its veracity but sometimes you find a woman begins to talk and never veers off a particular line of thought until she has exhausted words and energy. Most times, a woman goes on nagging for a whole day or even week over a trivial issue inspite of every effort of her man to resolve the issue. These are scenarios most of us men are conversant with in our society and as such should not be allowed to throw us off-balance. But surprisingly some amongst us lose their cool and exert tremendous physical force on the women which is quite unacceptable and degrading of the nobility of manhood.
Almost always you find some man battering the lady he calls his “baby” or “babe.” When did baby-battering become an exciting pastime? Let the men exhibit some maturity in this respect!
Then some men would ask what should be a man’s response if insulted or verbally chastised by some woman. Should he swallow his pride and bear the insolence and quietly walk away? Should he forget his ego and go home to nurse his wounds? Should he inadvertently encourage his wife to go on with her wrongdoing by not responding to her whining and vituperations?
Well none of such is meant by this article. But it would help us to ask if a girl would accept to relate with a man if such a man comes beating her up. Would a woman who witnesses the battering of another woman by a man be favorably disposed to have an affair with such a man with animalistic tendencies? I’d rather assume that to be impossible.
Most women would agree with me that there are better ways of “teaching” a woman the lesson of her life. Likewise those who have mastered the art of managing women would acknowledge the fact that mere silence could be so unsettling for a woman than ten years of beating. Eating a woman’s food without appreciating it or at least commenting on it; failing to notice her as you walk by or feigning not to have heard her greeting; refusing to take her suggestions about your plans, mode of dress, appearance or anything else; failing to call, text, or e-mail her or failing to reply her text or e-mails, answering or returning her calls; refusing to comment on her appearance or dress; avoiding her face or eyes; keeping to yourself almost all the time and leaving her out of your activities or plans are all bitter pills that no woman would want to swallow. These and many more are funny experiences that are disheartening in the least for any woman any day. I can tell you more ways of handling troublesome women if you visit my blogsite. I mean very many other ways of bringing a woman to her knees without uttering a word or lifting a finger.
When a woman begins to behave funny you don’t have to heat up the polity of your relationship by overworking your emotions or even degenerating to the level of using violence to score your point. Women, no matter how forward or potty-mouthed they appear to be, are weaker than men and are very vulnerable, very vulnerable. Let men learn to respect that as it would be in their best interest. Let all violent tendencies be put behind us. Another aspect of this is the use of derogatory or harsh words on women and its implications on relationships. We’ll talk about that in our next issue. Or you can visit our blogsite to see more on this. See you then!
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