THIS SUSPICION THING!

Have you wondered why a climate of suspicion pervades so many relationships? It persists amongst men and women alike. Men are constantly on edge that once their women are out the doors they are after some man somewhere. Women think their men are chasing some girl out there behind their backs. Once their partner’s phone number fails to ring, they must have switched off their handsets to forestall any interruption of their pleasure spree or detection of their location. If the line rings at the other end but no answer, then something amiss is going on.
Ladies constantly search their men’s shirt and trouser pockets with the hope of picking up something suspicious or incriminating while men always scroll through their spouses phonebooks and sms directory checking for any strange number or sms. Even funnier scenarios abound where ladies hug their men sniffing them for any strange perfume and vice versa. Every new action, dress or fragrance is scrutinized. In some cases it spills over into the public domain where some individuals (men and women alike) behave funny when someone exchanges greetings or pleasantries with their spouses in public. Looks, handshakes, hugs, gifts, phone calls, visits, appointments, etc are all seriously analyzed for any link to anything untoward.
This whole drama almost always leaves the victim in a state of dilemma. The unpleasant fallouts of this ugly situation are better imagined. Serious-minded, loyal and sincere partners have had to suffer in silence enduring and tolerating such unhealthy climate of suspicion. Some have been transformed into a ghost of their former selves while some have been pushed to the end of their tether leaving them with no option but to do what they’ve been accused of and damning the consequences. Once blissful and thriving relationships have been compromised or completely destroyed. The foundations of several marital unions have cracked exposing both parents and children to the unpleasant consequences of a marital crisis such as sexual abuse, drug abuse, dwindling academic performance, workplace emotional turbulence and lack of focus, depression, disillusion, etc. shared values have been compromised and unnecessary tension have suddenly sprouted in once serene atmospheres. But why? Why all these hullabaloo?
Why would two professed lovers who have pledged commitment to each other’s happiness turn around and begin to undermine that same happiness they have pledge to ensure? Two individuals come across each other. Somehow some interaction is initiated and goes on over time. They begin seeing each other once a while. Soon the “seeing” goes from one level to the next. Pledges and commitments come into the picture. Somehow, whether they live together or apart; married, about to marry or just flirting, their lives become entwined. Then suddenly this suspicion thing rears its ugly head.
Could be that one or the other partner suddenly comes across an old flame in the guise of an old classmate, co-worker, or ex-boyfriend and previously latent emotions begin to steam. Or this love at first sight bug bites one or the other partner and this reckless heart of humans begins to play tricks on its host. On the other hand, it may be that one or both partners are involved in socially-intensive careers that make them interact and keep correspondence with a lot of people. Maybe they are in the management cadre of their organization or in the PR department or other types of jobs that bring them face to face with individuals of diverse backgrounds, personality types and inclinations.
In this modern world of ours where socialization is evolving at a fast-paced manner: noble deeds are being appreciated, favours done are traced and rewarded, distinguished personalities are sought after and commendable characters are hardly left alone. If your partner is good and likable a personality, he or she would be sought after for friendship, for favours, for career upliftment, political appointments and other responsibilities. A gold fish never hides!
This should not constitute a surprise to anyone conversant with current social trends in our contemporary society. Social seclusion, isolation and mutual exclusivity are no longer in vogue. We all need each other to thrive and grow as individuals and as communities in this vast human family.
This piece does not in anyway suggest the non-occurrence of promiscuous escapades of some abstracted individuals nor does it imply even remotely that victims of such infidelity do not suffer pain on the emotional and physical fronts. Sometimes, self-conceited and irrational individuals apply violence to forestall any attempt to call them to responsible conduct thus doubling the suffering of their victims. Even individuals who are shown all the love and care possible within the human context still veer off into dissolute and immoral indulgences.
It would also imply running away from the truth to deny that such negative scenarios put most lovers on edge and generate understandable anxiety with regards to each individual’s relationship. Nobody wants it to happen to him or her and no one wants to be caught hapless. This state of apprehension has driven some to the extreme of a needless policy of suspicion. But the question remains whether it is worth the while, whether all that is invested in terms of time, money and emotions in keeping tabs on a partner’s track, sniffing around for any aroma of infidelity is worth it after all.
Whether the suspicion is voiced or implied through actions or inactions, it still generates the same degrees of pain in the victim’s psyche. And like it or not both parties suffer. Both lives and careers and emotions are subject to some distraction, interruption and perversion occasioned by this relationship-based suspicion.
Not only does this suspicion debase the whole idea of love, it also questions that fidelity that only love can engender and even goes further to strike at the foundation of that mutual trust and maturity the suspicious lover has by several words over time subscribed to. It is needless to refer to that responsibility consequent upon everyone in love towards his or her partner.
Let me state that it is not every man or woman out there that is itchy about a relationship let alone a flirtatious one. Let me also add that as much as no human on earth is ultra-perfect, not everyone is flirty and not everyone is abusing or debasing the mutual trust that is consequent upon shared love.
Where we have done everything right, where we have exhibited and expressed trust and where we appealed to the other’s sense of responsibility, it is needless initiating a pattern of suspicion. That someone accepts to jettison his or her isolation to go into a loving relationship with another does not qualify him or her for undue suspicion let alone funny and degrading accusations of infidelity. Some measure of maturity needs to be exhibited by all of us. Each of us deserves the benefit of the doubt and the highest trust possible within the human family.